The daily habit that can slowly kill your marriage

I can’t believe he took a nap instead of cleaning the garage! She’s always on her phone! Those little jabs about your spouse aren’t always harmless in the relationship.

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I blinked twice and another New Year slipped into the past. I didn’t accomplish half of my New Year’s resolutions, so this time I didn’t make any. Well, I did, just different ones. I decided I will use my time better:

Three resolutions

I will not waste time on people whom I do not like at the first meeting. As the saying goes, go with your gut feeling. No, I will not wait until someone shows me their second and third face. Either we hit it off right away, or not at all. There are so many friends I don’t have enough time for, so I will not waste it

MORE TO READ: Husbands, love your wives before it’s too late!

I will not spend time with people who are eternally dissatisfied, unhappy, and see only problems around them. I don’t want to. Sometimes my glass is also half empty, and not half full, so I will not allow anyone to poison the remaining half.

Finally, I don’t want to be with people who don’t respect all that they have. They feel they received something forever and they can destroy it because they will have time to fix it. No. There will not be time. I’m thinking here about people who destroy their lives, their relationships by underestimating and not using every moment of being together. I have seen many such couples. They are seemingly a nice family, they go to church together on Sundays and then out to dinner, perhaps a walk … But I don’t want to spend time with them.

Always half empty

I know, we can’t go through life all lovey-dovey. A good fight now and then is a good thing, but other than that, if every day you disapprove of what your husband or wife does—you don’t like that he fell asleep on the sofa yesterday, you are annoyed at how she brushes her teeth, eats breakfast and gets ready for work, and you can’t even stand the way he puts down his fork, that is a sign that you have a problem. Yes, you have a problem. Instead of talking, you disappear into your own world. You find a hundred reasons why you need to cook something else, do something, instead of listening together to the world falling asleep—that is a sign you have a problem. You don’t like your life; you don’t like yourself, you don’t like the person closest to you.

Time passes so quickly; your children will soon leave the house. It will be just the two of you, snarling at each other, outraged by the emptiness between you.

Your behavior and the comments you make to other people are a constant criticism of what your other half is doing. And I’m not talking about basic gossip, when husbands and wives complain about their spouses (I have heard such lists accidentally a few times). You repeat words you should never have said, much less in public: “My husband is forever complaining that I spend the nights in the kitchen (coming up with another recipe for avocado toast), that I am a bad driver, that I put dishes in the dishwasher the wrong way.” You let your child repeat your negative comments about your wife: “Mom, you are always on your phone, mom, you never buy the right snacks, mom, you don’t know how to do this like dad.”

Why? You loved that person once. Yes, they’ve changed a little, but are they the only one?

They made some mistakes, some big ones, but is he or she the only one? Of course, you were vigilant, and you saved the day, the fire was put out, and you do not have to dance on the ashes forever.

Wake up

Time passes so quickly; your children will soon leave the house. It will be just the two of you, snarling at each other, outraged by the emptiness between you. Maybe you will try to live vicariously through your children, but this won’t help them, or you. Maybe he will become a couch potato, not challenged to fly high and accomplish anything greater, because you clipped his wings. And maybe, she will leave you, not necessarily into the arms of another. You will tear him to pieces. You will continue living with a sense of injustice and believe that you were right all your life. You will fill your children with hate towards her. Or one day, you will become a widow or widower. You will light candles at the cemetery every day. You will do what you want, but certainly without your other half.

Wake up before it’s too late. See what made you fall in love with that boy. He was never perfect, but he was one of a kind. Remember how you liked him, and just be with him for a moment.

Witold Starzynski
Witold Starzynski

Witold has been a husband for 30 years, a father for slightly less than that. He’s a retired soldier who is never bored, and an admirer of strong women, good food, horses, and weapons of various kinds.

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